


Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip

by neuronary



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Gambling, Gen, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Poker, Underage Gambling kinda, he doesn't get one because dave has self-preservation instincts, it's five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26162656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neuronary/pseuds/neuronary
Summary: The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”Or, Five saves Dave's life to stop Klaus from moping. From Dave's perspective, a very grouchy, sleep-deprived twelve-year-old kidnaps him and he finds it much more entertaining than he should.Inspired by Lyviel's 'Fixes to the Timeline'
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Number Five | The Boy & David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 48
Kudos: 1065
Collections: Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms





	Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyviel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyviel/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fixes to the Timeline](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580921) by [Lyviel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyviel/pseuds/Lyviel). 



> Lyviel, I hope you enjoy. I really tried to take this seriously, but unfortunately I make too many bad jokes.
> 
> Five at no point thinks to clarify that he's fifty-eight, so Dave is labouring under the impression that Klaus' oldest brother is just a very strange tween. This makes things funnier in my head, so.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Neu

Dave awoke to a horrible pain in his chest and a little boy scowling at him.

“Good,” said the little boy. “You’re awake.”

The world seemed to spin for a moment before crashing back down upon him.

“Oh,” was the last thing he heard before nothing at all. “Nevermind.”

\---

“Are you going to stay awake this time?”

“What?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”

Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”

“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”

“Oh,” he said. “Oh! You’re the one that went missing, right?”

Five snorted. “Sure, we can call it that.”

Dave was not nearly awake enough to continue that thread of conversation, so he asked instead, “Is Five short for something, or…?”

Five stared at him for a moment, confusion apparent. “‘Number Five’…?”

Dave stared back. “Your name is just… a number.”

“Yes. I thought you knew Klaus. Did I grab the wrong body?”

“What?”

“Why is this so confusing to you?”

“Because,” Dave said slowly, “numbers aren’t names.”

“Klaus’ name,” Five said, just as slowly, “is ‘Number Four’.”

“Right,” said Dave, and passed out again.

\---

“Where’s Klaus?” Dave asked when he next woke up.

“Doesn’t exist yet,” Five told him, trying not to let the initial approval bleed into his tone.

“But I want him to,” said Dave, pouting a bit.

“Tough.”

\---

When Dave woke up again, Five was shuffling a deck of cards so quickly it seemed almost impossible.

“Oh, good,” he said, when he noticed Dave was awake. “Watch this.”

He pulled the deck apart vertically and held it in place. The cards spread out across the space evenly and just… held. Suspended in mid-air.

“How are you doing that?”

“Lots of micro-switches,” said Five, grinning down at the cards. “I’d forgotten how. Took me a long time to figure it out again.” He pressed them all back together and neatened the deck. It vanished with a small flash of blue light. Dave stared. This seemed to prompt more exasperation from Klaus’ he-definitely-forgot-to-mention-he-was-this-young brother. “Klaus said he told you about us!”

“He did,” Dave protested, feeling someone bound to defend his boyfriend. “It’s just… a lot. You can do magic. Actual magic.”

Five bristled. “It’s not  _ magic _ ,” he said, “it’s science. I can manipulate space and time using mathematical equations. Allison’s is closer to ‘magic’, but that’s only because we never figured out how it worked.” He paused, looking slightly morose. “Now I probably never will.”

Dave didn’t get a chance to ask what that meant before Five zapped away again, returning moments later with the tin mug.

“Drink.”

\---

“More or less lucid?”

“Huh?”

“Are you feeling more or less lucid than you were last time you were conscious?”

Dave scrounged up a few memories of waking up in the dingy hotel room. “More. I think.”

“Congratulations, you just surpassed the majority of your soon-to-be housemates,” Five muttered, scowling. Dave wondered if he could make any other facial expressions, and only realised he’d said so out loud at Five’s grumbly ‘fuck off’.

“Sorry.”

Five ‘hmph’ed at him and pottered about. “I’d offer you coffee,” he said, “but caffeine might kill you, and we don’t have enough of it to spare. There’s whiskey, though?”

“I’m okay, thanks.” Five looked somewhat surprised. “I try to stay kosher,” Dave explained, and hoped it wouldn’t be an issue.

“Oh, of course, ‘Katz’,” was all Five said. “Wait does that mean… no, should be fine. I’ll just… hm. No, it shouldn’t change anything.” He paused, frowning to himself. “I’ll run the numbers again. Just to be sure.”

Dave got the distinct impression that Five had forgotten there was anyone else there.

\---

“Cards?” Dave offered, once he could sit up properly again. Five glared at him. He offered them again. “You can do your cool shuffling thing.”

(He couldn’t be certain, but he had a suspicion that Five hadn’t slept since before Dave had not-died, and watching a little kid down six mugs of coffee in as many minutes and watch the walls like Klaus used to was  _ disturbing _ .)

Dave held out the deck, waiting.

Five took them. “Poker. Lowball, Razz, five-card draw. I’m not playing any other rules.”

Dave bit back a laugh. “You’re really something, Five.”

The kid glared and started shuffling, face pinched in concentration rather than stress for once. Dave watched the little flickers of blue around the suspended cards. Not actually suspended, as Five had explained, but constantly switching places with each other so fast that they didn’t have enough time to be affected by gravity “and it takes a lot of focus so stop talking before I cut your tongue out, hm?”

He really couldn’t figure Five out. Klaus had mentioned six siblings whilst at varying stages of many highs. Most had gotten more than one mention. Across ten months he’d learned five names (Vanya, Luther, Diego, Allison, and Ben), three jobs (actress, violin teacher, cosmonaut), and one tragedy (Ben died young). Five was mentioned once, when Klaus had been only dimly aware of the world around him.

“Little Number Five,” Klaus had slurred around his straw. “He disappeared. Pop! He’s so small now.”

The conversation had turned abruptly to tattoos, and Dave had decided not to pry. When Klaus had said ‘small’, Dave had pictured thin. He had pictured short. He had not pictured thirteen and sleep-deprived.

Five dealt the cards and fished some notes out of his pockets. He had dollars where Dave had dong, but he didn’t seem to mind. Either way, he wiped the floor with him.

“Klaus said you were good at this,” he noted, eyebrows raised and nose wrinkled.

Dave rolled his eyes. “Klaus exaggerates, and I’m recovering from a bullet wound.”

“That’s a terrible excuse.”

“Well, I’m out of money and I’m pretty sure you were cheating, so.”

“I didn’t cheat. I adapted.”

Dave snorted. “You’re a damn riot, kid.”

Five was inches away in a matter of seconds, snarling. “Call me ‘kid’ again and you’ll remember very vividly that returning you to Klaus alive doesn’t mean returning you in one piece.”

Dave gulped.

Five nodded to himself, seeming satisfied with Dave’s abject terror. “I suppose you want to deal this time?”

\---

Dave was re-reading  _ Dune _ when he heard Five’s head hit the table, immediately followed by a stream of quiet curses.

“You okay there, man?”

“Fuck off,” said Five, sounding too tired to be acerbic. He muttered something else to himself as he hunched back over his own book, scribbling away. Dave didn’t catch it, but even if he had, he suspected he wouldn’t have understood.

“How long have we been here?”

“Four days and seven hours.”

“When was the last time you slept?”

“What the hell do you care?”

“Humour me.”

Five sighed and rubbed at his face. “I… passed out for about seven hours last week, why?”

“Do you not think you should get on that?”

Five didn’t dignify him with an answer.

Dave worried.

\---

“I win this round, you go to bed.”

“No.”

“I win this round, you tell me an embarrassing story about Klaus?”

Five handed over the cards with a grin that made his teeth look sharper than they could possibly be. “Deal.”

Dave won the round.

(The mental image of a six year old Klaus accidentally breaking a priceless vase because he was trying to dance to a popular song was adorable.)

(Five flexing his fingers and wincing as he finished the brief story was not.)

\---

Dave laid down his cards, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Five swore quietly.

“So,” Dave said magnanimously, “tell me about your family.”

Five glowered at him. “Didn’t Klaus mention us?”

Dave shrugged. “Here and there. I’m just curious, I guess.”

Five seemed to consider him carefully. “There are seven of us. We were all born at twelve noon on October 31st, 1989, to mothers that hadn’t been pregnant prior to labour. We also all have supernatural abilities. Luther has superhuman strength and endurance, Diego can manipulate projectiles’ paths, Allison can rumour anyone into doing anything she wants, though she’s recently sworn off using her powers at all--”

“Very noble of her,” Dave noted.

“Hm. Perhaps. Klaus can commune with and manifest the dead, I can manipulate the fabric of space and time, Ben could… he could manifest eldritch monstrosities through his body, and Vanya has recently discovered that she can transfer energy from the vibrational store to the kinetic store.”

“Ben… he died, right?”

Five nodded. “January 17th, 2006.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. There’s nothing you could do about it.”

Dave wondered if Five thought there was something he could have done.

“And then Vanya, right? Another sister?” 

\---

“Full house.”

“Straight flush.”

Dave leaned back with a heavy sigh. “I have nothing left to give you.”

“I’ll take your soul.”

He snorted. Five had an oddly morbid sense of humour for a kid, but once you got used to excessively violent threats, he could be pretty funny.

“Don’t you already have my soul? Pretty sure I lost it about three games ago.”

Five ‘hmmph’ed and handed over the cards for shuffling. “Fine. What is it you like about my brother?”

Dave blinked. “Uhh… what?”

Five gave him a flat glare.

“Well,” Dave said, “he’s… he’s beautiful. The way he sees the world, it’s… inspiring, I guess. He’s stubborn and idealistic and… he always used to fight with the sergeant, you know? Every damn day he’d mouth off, rain or shine. He--”

“Yeah, okay,” Five cut him off, “so I’m actually bringing you back. Hurt him and I’ll find a way to keep you alive after decapitation so I can make you watch as I boil your body in acid, et cetera.”

“So I take it you’re fond of your siblings?”

“Quite the contrary,” Five said, still grinning like the little hellion he was. “Every minute I spend with them makes me want to tear my own throat out, but I didn’t spend forty-five years in an apocalyptic wasteland trying to save their useless little lives just for some jumped up little dickwad in a uniform to break my baby brother’s heart, capiche?”

Dave blinked at him.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re kind of intense?”

“No, why?”


End file.
